Youth Inc. Recommends: How to Deal with Toxic Teammates

Athletics serve as a powerful foundation for shaping children's attitudes, values, and behaviors. As Herm Edwards once said, “Athletics are really the foundation of how kids' attitudes are formed and shaped.” The lessons learned on the field often extend far beyond the game, influencing how individuals engage in school, sports, and eventually in their careers. One of those enduring lessons, unfortunately, is learning how to deal with a toxic teammate. 

Toxic teammates are often encountered from the earliest days of participating in team sports—and they rarely disappear with age. Understanding how to navigate these relationships is a crucial life skill developed through the experience of playing youth sports.  

Here are six great resources that will help you (or your child) deal with toxic teammates.

Dealing with Toxic Teammates

 What it is: A seven-step guide (with actionable items) a young athlete can use to deal with a toxic teammate.  

Why we like it: Talk is easy, but the actual doing is hard. Young athletes can skim this guide and find solutions, or a parent or coach can use it to communicate better with a young athlete going through this situation right now. It’s easy to understand and straight to the solutions. 

When Teammates Won't Pass You The Ball! 

What it is: A video going over some checklist items that can help you receive the ball from your teammates more often, geared for soccer players but applicable beyond just that.  

Why we like it: The video shifts the blame away from teammates and instead focuses on what the young player can do better, a vital lesson for young athletes. Sometimes advice such as “simplify your game” can switch the mindset of a young athlete from blaming those around them, to focusing on what they can do better to enjoy their experience more.   

The Drama Triangle  

 What it is: The drama triangle is a social model of human interaction created by Dr. Stephen Karpman. This article summarizes the social model and applies it directly to youth sports.

Why we like it: By working to identify which role you may be playing, and taking the necessary steps to improve the situation, we can find tangible solutions to these otherwise toxic situations. A coach looking to solve a toxic situation should use this article to help find a path back towards enjoyment.  

Trapped in a negative team environment?  

What it is: This article, with an embedded video for those who prefer to watch, does a great job outlining the negative effects and impact a toxic environment or teammate can have on individual and group performance and then provides some guidelines on how to try and turn conflict into a team positive. 

Why we like it: A comprehensive guide to realizing there is a problem, understanding how the problem can impact performance and joy within a team, and providing coaches and parents techniques on how to resolve. The discussion about how a negative environment can lead to negative self-talk stood out as something unique about this article and it’s approach to understanding toxicity. 

Dealing with Negative Teammates  

 What it is: An article highlighting most important that when you learn how to resolve a conflict with a negative teammate, you are preparing yourself for a life of conflict resolution outside of the lines. 

Why we like it: Context is extremely important when understanding how to deal with negative teammates. Approaching the situation as an opportunity for growth, and refusing to engage in the negativity, are lessons that can stay with a person well after their playing days are over. 

Coping Strategies for Toxic Situations  

What it is: A transcript from an interview with Hillary Cauthen, a sport psychologist who works in mental health and well-being, and the author of Hello Trauma: Our Invisible Teammate – about how to best deal with toxic situations and cope with them, 

Why we like it: The author does a good job transcribing some of the most impactful quotes Hillary had in the interview, such as “You know, the messages we tell ourselves let our body respond. And so if you’re constantly telling yourself, ‘don’t mess up’ or ‘just relax’, our bodies are conflicting with what we need to be doing at the moment.”