Yelling Coach? How to Help Your Athlete Hear the Message

Remember those old sports movies like "A League of Their Own" with Tom Hanks barking orders and making grown women cry? Back then, that kind of "tough love" coaching seemed normal, even encouraged. We all had a coach like that growing up, right? Yelling, constant criticism...it was all part of building character, or so they said.

But here's the thing: times have changed.

Is "tough love" still the answer?

✨Today we know more about the impact of coaching styles on young athletes. While some kids might thrive under a demanding coach, for many, it can be detrimental, leading to anxiety, burnout, and a negative association with sports.

I hear it from the kids all the time.

"He is always yelling at me!! Blames the loss of the game on ME for dropping a fly ball!"

"She screams at me for dropping a pass that if one of the starters dropped it, she wouldn't say a word. Talk about having favorites!"

"He only looks at me when we make a mistake and screams at me for not focusing or paying attention! I AM focusing, I swear! He just doesn't see it!"

"Coach tells us how much he loves our team but then bought us bagels and dumped them in the garbage right in front of us because we made a dumb social media post. I said I was sorry!"

"He curses at the ref, at us, at everyone, but then gets mad when we get out of control and yell and curse! Such a hypocrite!"

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👉But here's the thing: they often win. A lot. Which leaves us wondering, is their win-at-all-costs mentality, complete with the yelling, actually effective?

For some kids, it is. But for others, it can be a recipe for burnout and low self-esteem. So, how do we help our young athletes navigate this coaching style? Here are some tips:

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🚀Unpack the Practice: After practice, talk to your kid. Ask them what they learned, not just about the plays, but about effort, teamwork, or sportsmanship. Help them identify the positive messages hidden beneath the coach’s booming voice.

🚀Focus on Effort, Not Perfection: These coaches might emphasize winning, but you can remind your child that effort and improvement are just as important. Did they hustle? Did they try a new technique? That’s a win in your book! "Take the best and leave the rest!" is something I am often saying in these scenarios.

🚀“Tough Love” vs. Abuse: There’s a difference between a demanding coach and a bully. If your kid seems genuinely afraid or belittled, talk to the coach or bring it to the attention of the Athletic Director.

🚀Build Confidence at Home: A yelling coach can chip away at a athlete's self-esteem. Focus on their strengths at home. Highlight their progress, positive sportsmanship, and their teamwork skills. Reassure them that this coaching style isn't the norm, and there will be leaders in their future who will guide them with encouragement and respect.

🚀Communication is Key: Talk to your child about their feelings. Let them know it’s okay to feel frustrated by the coach’s style, but that you’re there to support them through it. Encourage your kid to talk to the coach if they are not feeling heard. Coach them through that process so they learn to advocate for themselves even when it can be uncomfortable.

Remember, parents are the ultimate coaches of their kids' hearts. By helping them see beyond the yelling, you can ensure they learn valuable lessons, both on and off the field.

🙌 Cheering from the sidelines,

Coach Leah