When Your Kid Doesn’t Want to Show Up But You Make Them Anyway

Right now, we’re living a very real parenting moment.

Our 10th-grade son is being “encouraged” (read: required) to go out for spring track. He doesn’t want to. At all. He took the winter season off after volleyball in the fall and is currently playing on a travel volleyball team. From his perspective, he’s checked the box. From ours, movement, commitment, and showing up still matter.

Here’s the truth: he is not a runner. His older brother is. And that comparison lives loudly in his head, whether we name it or not.

He doesn’t think he’s fast.
He doesn’t see the point.
He doesn’t want to go to meets.
His friends are faster.
His attitude is… rough.

And honestly? That makes this harder, not easier.

As parents, this is where the struggle really sits. We’re not asking him to be great. We’re not asking him to win. We’re not expecting a breakout season or highlight reel. We’re asking him to try. To stay in something uncomfortable long enough to learn something about himself.

Because the real lesson here isn’t track.

It’s learning how to stay when you’d rather quit.
It’s learning how to compete with yourself, not your sibling, not your teammates, not the loud voice in your head telling you it’s pointless.
It’s learning that effort still matters even when the outcome doesn’t excite you.

That’s a hard sell to a teenager.

So how do we approach it?

We stop over-explaining. Teenagers don’t need a TED Talk on “the big picture.” They need calm consistency. We keep the message simple:

This isn’t about being the best. It’s about doing your best.
This is about work ethic, not speed.
This is about learning what you do when things aren’t your thing.

We validate the frustration without rescuing him from it.
We acknowledge that comparison is real, and still refuse to let it drive the decision.
We hold the line with empathy, not lectures.

Most importantly, we remind ourselves that parenting isn’t about eliminating discomfort. It’s about helping our kids build the capacity to move through it.

Right now, he sees track as something being done to him.

Our job is to help him slowly see it as something he’s doing for himself; even if he won’t admit that for years.

If you’re in this season too, with a child who resists, compares, shuts down, or drags their feet, you’re not failing. You’re parenting.

Sometimes the win is simply showing up, finishing the season, and learning that you can do hard things without being the star.

That lesson lasts a lot longer than any race.