The Sports Life: Coaching Your Own Kid’s Team: Things to Know Before You Say Yes

It usually starts like this:

“Hey, we're looking for a coach. Would you be willing to step in?”

If you’re a former athlete, a parent who knows the game or just someone who wants to be involved, coaching your child’s team can feel like the right thing to do. And it can be one of the most meaningful experiences you’ll ever have.

But it’s also layered. Coaching your own kid comes with challenges that go beyond the Xs and Os. Here are some things I’ve learned—personally and professionally—about wearing both hats.

I Coached My Daughter’s Volleyball Team—and I Felt Every Bit of It

Years ago, I coached my oldest daughter’s volleyball team. I knew and played the game, I loved the sport and I wanted to help. But even with all my background, it wasn’t easy. I was constantly checking myself.

Am I being too hard on her? Too easy? Are other parents questioning every sub or play call?

I could feel the tension some days between wanting to push her to her potential and just letting her be a kid.

There were car rides home that were quiet. Moments when she didn’t want me to be “Coach Leah." She just wanted her mom.

But there were also wins that felt sweeter because we shared them. Practices where I got to see her lead. And little moments, like a look across the net during warmups, that I’ll always remember.

Things to Know Before You Say Yes

1. Be Clear on Your “Why”

Before you agree, ask yourself: Why am I doing this? Is it to spend more time with your child? To create a positive team culture? To help a struggling program? Your answer will ground you when things get tough.

2. Your Kid Will Be Held to a Different Standard

Whether it’s fair or not, your child will feel the weight of being the coach’s kid. Teammates might expect more from them. Other parents might assume favoritism. And your own child might feel like they can never just play. Talk about it. Normalize it.

3. Practice the 80/20 Rule

Let 80% of your parenting stay outside the sport. Keep regular home life separate. Talk about things other than the game. Let your kid be more than your athlete. And when you are in coaching mode, keep it consistent and clear.

4. Don’t Pretend You’re Not the Parent

You are. Everyone knows it. Instead of overcompensating, just name it. Let the team know you’ll coach all players fairly and welcome feedback if anything feels off. Lead with transparency; it builds trust.

5. Share the Load

Bring in assistants, delegate team responsibilities and let other voices lead when possible. Your child needs space to grow under other eyes, not just yours.

6. Know When to Step Back

If it’s harming your relationship, if your child is withdrawing or if it’s simply not fun anymore, give yourself permission to step out. Some seasons you coach. Others, you cheer from the sideline. Both are valid.

Coaching your own kid can be a gift, but only if the relationship stays at the center. If you can lead with humility, check your ego at the door and hold space for both coach and parent, it can become a memory you both hold onto for life.

Leah Jantzen is a mental performance and mental health coach, high school guidance counselor and elite endurance athlete. She’s competed at the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii and is a multi-time Boston Marathon finisher. Leah is a mom of four kids who play school and club sports and is launching Still in the Game, a community and podcast for active moms. She can be reached at  headcoachleah@gmail.com.