The Parent’s Role in Tryouts: How to Help Before, During, and After

Tryouts stir up more than just nerves. As a parent, you might feel the weight of your child’s hopes, the unpredictability of the outcome, and the quiet pressure to say and do all the right things. You want to be supportive—but not overbearing. Encouraging—but not pushy. You want to help them succeed, but more than that, you want them to feel okay no matter what happens.

And whether you realize it or not, how you show up during tryouts plays a big role in how they experience it—and in how they show up, too. Here's how to support your child before, during, and after tryouts in ways that ease pressure, build confidence, and deepen trust.

Before Tryouts: Build a Foundation of Calm and Confidence

• Say less, support more. Try not to overload them with reminders or last-minute tips. Trust what they’ve already learned—and trust them to use it.
• Check your own anxiety. Your child will pick up on your energy. Calm is contagious.
• Keep things normal at home. Routine helps regulate the nervous system. Avoid turning tryouts into a three-day countdown event.
• Prioritize sleep and sports nutrition. Fatigue and poor fueling increase stress and reduce focus. A good night’s sleep and a balanced meal are more valuable than any pep talk.
• Let them take the lead. Ask how involved they want you to be—helping them pack, dropping them off early, staying quiet. Their sense of control matters.
• Talk about what nerves mean. Before they even step onto the field or court, help them understand that nervousness is normal—it means they care. Naming it ahead of time gives them power over it.

During Tryouts: Be Their Anchor, Not Another Coach

• Be available, but low-pressure. Whether you’re watching or waiting outside, keep your presence calm and your tone light.
• Choose your questions carefully. Instead of asking “How’d you do?”, try:

“Was there anything you learned about yourself out there?”

“What would you want to remember or try differently next time?”

• Avoid coaching—especially now. At this point, they know what they know. Adding new advice can create second-guessing and stress. Trust their preparation.
• Help them manage nerves in real time. If they feel jittery, remind them those same sensations show up when we’re excited—heart racing, butterflies, sweaty palms. The body doesn’t always know the difference. Help them relabel it: “This is your body getting ready to rise to the moment.”
• Be their confidence boost. If they have a tough day, remind them it’s just one moment. What matters is how they respond and bounce back. Coaches expect mistakes—they’re watching how players recover.
• Reinforce what’s in their control. Encourage things that always make a strong impression: work rate, body language, being coachable, eye contact, and staying engaged—even after a mistake.
• Support positive self-talk. Help them flip negative thoughts into more helpful ones. A simple “You’ve got this” or “Just focus on effort” can cut through the noise. The brain follows the story we tell it.

After Tryouts: Be the Safe Place They Come Home To

Process before reacting. Whether the result is what they hoped for or not, give them space to feel whatever comes up. Don’t rush to minimize it or spin it into a lesson.

If they didn’t make the team:

• Validate the disappointment. Avoid clichés like “It’s their loss.”
• Gently ask what they want to do next—re-try, regroup, or take a break.
• Remind them of their strengths outside this one moment.

If they made the team:

• Celebrate the journey, not just the outcome. Try: “You worked hard for this. I’m proud of your effort.”
• Be careful not to compare them to others or talk rankings or starting spots.

Avoid blame—of them, of others, or yourself. Blame shifts the focus away from self-awareness and resilience. It teaches kids to look outward instead of inward—or worse, to carry shame instead of clarity. Over time, it creates a pattern of deflecting rather than reflecting. What they need most in this moment is perspective and support.

Circle back a few days later. Sometimes the biggest feelings come after the adrenaline fades. Create space for follow-up reflection or reassurance.