When the Games Start to Matter More

There’s a stretch late in the season where things begin to feel different, even though on the surface nothing has really changed. The gyms are familiar, the schedules are full, the routines look the same as they did a month or two ago, and yet the weight of the games starts to build in a way that’s hard to ignore.

The drives can start to feel heavier, with longer stretches of silence in the car. Effort seems to carry a little more emotional weight, and the margin for mistakes feels thinner than it did earlier in the year. Kids feel it before they have language for it, and as parents we feel it too, even while trying to keep everything steady and familiar.

This part of the season brings a shift. Playing hard isn’t always enough to keep our kids on the floor, and making plays starts to matter more. Small moments hang around longer than they used to. The game starts to carry more emotion than it did earlier in the year, and it can sneak up on us if we’re not paying attention.

Coaching my fifth grade girls team with less than a month left in the season, I ran into a moment that caught me off guard. At this level there are specific defensive rules in place for developmental reasons, and during the game they weren’t being enforced consistently. It wasn’t intentional. The other team was well coached and played hard, and the referees were managing multiple games that day with different rule sets across age groups, communicating openly and doing their best to keep things moving.

In youth basketball I believe the development is the result. So I wasn’t worried about the outcome of the game, and no one on the other team nor the referees were trying to be unfair. I wanted the game to be played the way it was designed so the girls had a real chance to compete. I found myself calling a timeout to initiate a conversation with the referees and the other coach, something I had never done in youth sports. I remember how uncomfortable it felt even stepping into it.

When that conversation ended and I walked back toward the huddle, I had to remind myself to bring the joy back. I could feel how the frustration had been building in me, and I know how quickly that tone shows up in a leader.

Helping kids enjoy the game, stay positive, and remember that basketball is supposed to be fun has always mattered to me. I didn’t want them carrying any frustration that belonged to me. They’re a great group of girls, and the other team was a great group of girls. It was a good day with two good teams filled with kids who enjoy playing, which is what I wanted them to feel as the game went on.

So I had to coach myself up and make sure I was setting the right example.

This part of the season is where wanting to win starts showing up in more of our reactions.

We want to win, we want our kids to win, and we want them to play well. But the Principle of Recency teaches us that the last thing our kids experience and feel in a season will be remembered the most clearly. So let’s ask ourselves, as we come into winning time, what tone are we most aware of carrying with us into practices, games, and the drive home?