When Nothing Feels Like It's Going Their Way

My son is in what athletes call the pain cave.

Senior year is supposed to be a celebration, the home stretch, the highlight reel. But for him, it’s been anything but easy. Six AP classes. College essays and applications to schools that are hard to get into even with perfect scores. Cross country season on the line, running for one of the top teams in New York State. An NROTC scholarship application in progress. A few heartbreaks sprinkled in for good measure.

He’s doing everything right and yet … nothing seems to be falling into place.

As a parent, it’s brutal to watch. This is a kid who works relentlessly, who cares deeply, who shows up in every area of his life and still feels like he’s coming up short. When he says, “Nothing’s going my way, mom” it hits hard. Because I know that feeling. We all do.

And here’s where the real challenge comes in: knowing when to help and when to hold space.

I want to fix it. I want to find the words that will make it better. But I also know this is his season in the cave, the part of the journey where he learns what he’s made of. The hard truth is that growth doesn’t happen when life’s easy. It happens when everything feels heavy and you keep moving anyway.

So instead of pep talks or silver linings, I’m learning to say less and be there more.

A nod. A “Yeah, that’s tough bud.” A quiet, “I believe in you.” Those are the things that land. Because when you’re deep in it, you don’t need someone to tell you it’ll all work out; you need someone who gets how hard it feels right now.

Sometimes the best thing we can do for our kids isn’t to pull them out of the pain cave, but to sit outside it with a flashlight, ready when they’re ready to climb out.

And honestly? That takes strength, too.

As moms, we can’t pour calm into our kids if we’re running on empty ourselves. Staying grounded, confident and clear helps us handle these moments with steadiness instead of panic. That’s what I talk about on my show Still in the Game. How to hold your center when life (or parenting) gets messy, how to stay strong for your kids without losing yourself in the process.

Because if we can stay “in the game” through the hard stuff, our kids learn how to do the same.