The Sports Life: What to do when your kid can't choose

This week’s car ride wasn’t about wins or losses. It was about something heavier ... decisions. My 13-year-old daughter is staring down a choice that feels bigger than it probably should. She’s headed into 8th grade, and while she still technically has a year before high school sports force her to pick, the decision is already creeping in: soccer or volleyball?

Right now, she plays travel soccer. Loves her coach. Loves her team. She’s grown up with these girls. They have inside jokes, a group chat and a rhythm on the field that comes from years of shared tournaments, early morning games and post-practice ice cream. But she’s also fallen in love with volleyball. She’s good at it, she’s curious about it and she’s asking the kind of questions that tell me she’s dreaming bigger. Not to mention her older sister played and so does one of her older brothers.

The tricky part? Choosing a travel team now means planting a flag for what’s next. Travel teams don’t just live in the moment; they set the pace for the seasons ahead. And while doing both is technically possible, it’s not realistic for this kid. She gets overwhelmed when too much is on her plate. And I’ve seen what that looks like, when the thing she loves becomes the thing that drains her.

Soccer is getting more serious. The tournaments are farther, the commitment deeper. Volleyball is new terrain! No connections, no comfort zone, but she lights up when she talks about it. And that’s what’s tearing her up. She doesn’t want to let anyone down. Not her coach, not her teammates, not herself.

As her mom, it’s hard to watch. I want to help her make the “right” choice. But what is the right choice? The familiar or the exciting? The loyal path or the one filled with wonder? She doesn’t want to make the wrong call. I get it. I’ve been there, too.

So for now, we’re talking it through. Asking what matters most. Energy, joy, connection, challenge. These are the things we’re using to guide her; not pressure, not fear of missing out.

No decision today. But a lot of heart on the line.

And maybe that’s what the car ride home is really for: not just recapping the game, but holding space for the stuff no scoreboard can measure.

Has your child ever faced a tough sports decision like this? I’d love to hear your story. Email me anytime at headcoachleah@gmail.com.