Pushing Without Breaking: How to Build Your Athlete’s Grit Without Becoming 'That' Parent
We all know that parent.
The one who’s always making noise on the sidelines.
Their kid never seems to play good enough.
They yell at other players for making mistakes, the ref for bad calls, and sometimes even their own kid for not performing to their standards.
No one wants to be that parent.
But most of us do want our kid to be tough.
We want them to develop resilience, to push through the hard stuff, to have that edge that helps them succeed. Not just in sports, but in life.
As parents, especially those of us who’ve pushed ourselves to the edge in our own athletic careers, it’s hard to watch our kids struggle.
And if I’m honest, it’s even harder not to jump in and “help” them out of it.
I know what it takes to reach big goals. I’ve trained at a level most people would call extreme, qualifying for the Boston Marathon 10 times, and earning the right to stand on the start line in Kona for the Ironman World Championships. I’ve been in the freezing open water at 5 a.m., run long miles in brutal heat, lifted in a freezing garage in January. I’ve chosen to suffer for something I wanted.
So, when I see my kids hit a wall, whether in a game, a race, or practice, I know what’s on the other side if they push through. But here’s the thing—they have to want it for themselves.
Our job isn’t to carry them over the wall.
It’s to help them believe they can climb it.
Here’s how I try to do that:
1. Let Them Struggle
It’s instinct to step in when they’re hurting; physically or emotionally. But resilience is built in the struggle, not in the comfort. If they fail a test, lose a starting spot, or have a rough game, let them feel it. That discomfort is the training ground for mental toughness. I quietly welcome those moments when I see them struggling because I know that’s when the real growth is happening.
