Parent the Child You Have, Not the Athlete You Were: Lessons from a Lego-Loving Soccer Star

My crew is a wild mix; four kids aged 12 to 20, each with their own spark. They're all athletes, and talented ones at that, making a real difference on their teams. But we're realistic; chances are, none of them will be Division I recruits. And that's perfectly fine with us!

Lately, though, I've been stumped by my middle son, a 14-year-old juggling soccer, a new volleyball team, and the middle school track squad. He's the oddball out.

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My Competitive Streak vs. His Chill

My other kids are fiercely competitive, always pushing to be the best. But my middle son? He's the picture of nonchalance. He avoids getting hurt, holds back when things get tough, and prefers the easy route. Honestly, it drives me a bit crazy.

I kept asking him why he wasn't giving it his all, what was stopping him. I could sense his confusion, my disappointment. Then it hit me!  I was trying to parent the child I envisioned, not the amazing kid I actually have. My husband pulled me aside one day and said, "I think you're being too hard on Charlie." Ouch.

Big parenting fail, right? As a competitive athlete myself, I struggled to relate to his relaxed approach. While I'd be out there taking shots on goal, he'd be lost in the world of Legos. It baffled me.

We all dream of cheering on a mini-me who bleeds team spirit and lives for the roar of the crowd. But what if your little slugger prefers building legos to practicing penalty kicks? You have to adjust, pivot and focus on what matters most.

It's a truth we all know, but sometimes forget: our children are their own unique people. And while it's frustrating when their passions don't mirror our own, it's the key to unlocking a truly fulfilling parent-child bond. Here's how to navigate the ride when your child isn't the athlete you envisioned:

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🚀Shift Gears, Not Dreams: Let go of the "what ifs" and embrace the "what is." Your child's interests might surprise you, but that doesn't mean they're any less valid. This is hard for me since I cannot relate to his creativity and laid back nature, but I am trying...

🚀Find the Fun: Explore their world. Take them to a Lego convention (check!), build a fort in the backyard, or cheer them on at the school play. Their enthusiasm is contagious!

🚀Celebrate Strengths, Not Scores: Is your kid a compassionate listener? A creative problem solver? Acknowledge and nurture those qualities. My son is a total empath. He feels it when others are struggling and it impacts him greatly. I treasure this quality about him :)

🚀Team Up, Not Take Over: Don't push your own passions onto them. Maybe a low-pressure sports camp sparks interest, or volunteering with animals makes them come alive with compassion. The key is finding activities they enjoy.

🚀Be Their Champion: Their confidence thrives on your support. Be their biggest fan, no matter the field they choose. And make sure they know it.

✨Remember, sportsmanship extends beyond the playing field. It's about celebrating differences, fostering healthy competition (with themselves!), and being the cheerleader your child, not the athlete, needs.

✨Because in the end, the car ride home isn't just about the game, it's about connecting with the amazing young person beside you.

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Along with you for the ride,

Coach Leah