Chasing Letters

The tryout process and what team our kids make has become one of the key drivers of sports parent behavior. It’s also one of the ways we’ve taken the joy of sports away from our kids and made it about ourselves. In doing that, we are manipulating our kids’ sports experiences and not allowing them to learn and grow from adversity.

My experience with sports as a kid was significantly different from what my kids experienced. One is not worse than the other, but there are key differences that drive this behavior. I grew up at a time when travel teams were not prevalent. There were some club teams, but most of the sport focused on in-town rec teams and rivalries with friends.

My first experience with a travel team was when the All-Star team from our rec baseball league decided to play a summer schedule against other towns. It was a novel idea at the time and fun for those of us who played. Contrast that with today’s environment.

From the time my kids were born there were a myriad of programs they could be a part of: Gymboree, Mommy and Me, etc. As they got to 4 years old, there were sports clinics they went to, and once they hit kindergarten, rec sports became available. Once they got to 2^nd grade, travel sports became available. Club soccer, travel basketball, and travel baseball were all available in addition to the rec versions of these sports.

Our society is now sending kids in 2^nd grade to tryouts for club and travel sports. Sports parents are concerned with what team their kids will make, as if it will determine their entire future. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am sure every parent can remember their youth, when one kid was the grammar school all-star, but once everyone’s growth spurts came into play, they became just an average athlete.

Kids take their cues from us. So here we are as parents, putting pressure on kids in 2nd grade about what team they make, which will have no bearing on their life in the long run. As important as a new parent may think this is, as you get older and reflect, you realize how ridiculous it was. What a new parent doesn’t see or know is that the burn-out factor is real. There are so many stories of kids who end up quitting sports because they are burned out. Not because they pushed themselves too hard, but because we as parents pushed them too hard. We have taken the joy of sports from them because we are putting our expectations on them. That is what I am hoping to help newer parents avoid. Here are some thoughts to hopefully help you through this:

Embrace Failure

I know this seems counterintuitive, but not making the A team is an opportunity to learn and grow. If you shelter them from failure all through their youth, then they won’t be prepared for it in real life. When your kid doesn’t make the A team, the answer isn’t to complain about the evaluators, go look for another team, or start your own club team. The answer is to tell your kid that sometimes not everything goes your way, and it is now their job to go be the best player on the B team.

Let The Kids Drive

As I was going through this with my oldest son, my father reminded me that all he had to do was be there to have a catch when I wanted to. He never had to ask me. That was a reality check for me, as I was the one driving a lot of that with my son at that time. We will only accelerate burn out if we drive it for them.

Play Multiple Sports

The thought that specialization at a young age is a good thing has started to wane, and not a moment too soon. Overuse injuries and burn out became so prevalent that it was hard to ignore that specialization at a young age was not a net positive. Playing multiple sports provides so many benefits, from working different muscle groups to allowing the kids to develop a longing (or not) for the sports they aren’t playing in that season. There is no question in my mind that playing ice hockey and lacrosse made my son a better football player and vice versa. If you just think about the fact that playing ice hockey requires the ability to skate while using a stick to control the puck and take hits at the same time, there is a high level of coordination involved. That absolutely translates to football and lacrosse. And playing football from a young age taught my son to keep a wide base when blocking, which translated to being very difficult to knock off the puck in hockey or the ball in lacrosse. And it kept his enjoyment for each sport to the point where he was looking forward to each season.

Stop Thinking About Scholarships

One of the lines I would often say is that if your kid is that good, there are people paid to find them. If your kid isn’t being actively recruited, it is for a reason. I’m not saying to stop trying, but to keep things in perspective. If your kid is self-motivated to try and achieve these things, that is a good thing, and you should encourage it. But you need to be honest with yourself.

We as parents need to take a step outside of the urge to do everything all the other kids and parents are doing and make sure we are doing right by our kids. It is our job to be the parent who knows better. It is easy to get sucked into doing something because everyone else is doing it, but in the long run we need to let the kids drive and be there to keep them honest and grounded.